Panic attack

I have to breathe, air..... Air! Too much people who are staring at me, too much confusion when they focus me in front of the class. But i ain't talking. I can't. I can't say a tone. Not yet. First I have to calm down. I can feel my heart beat in an unsteady rythm. I slowly move to the window and open it. Finaly... A bit of air... 

I just have to calm down. I just have to tell them what I found out about plastik and how much it troubles the ocean. But the others are still staring at me. They follow every move I make. I'm shure they can see my hands shaking and me shuttering at all. I'm going again in front of the class, but not wanting to give that presentation. Why do I have to do it? Well... Everyone has to... I can do it... I learned so long and now...

I can't remember anything! Everything is gone. My mind is blank. Or no, not blank. Just full of voices which start screaming in alarmism. 

'I need to go out! I can't do it! Help me! I can't breathe! why is everybody staring?! I didn't do anything! They know I can't do it! They'll laugh about me!'

Even my teacher is staring at me... Yeah it's his job, but... His lips are moving... What did he say? Oh, if I'm alright? I'd like to laugh or at least cry, but my mouth is dry and my head hurts. I can't even nod. I lost the control over my body. My lungs are still drooling over air, althought the window is open. 

No. It isn't. It's closed?! I didn't even noticed the goosebumps on my arms. It's cold. But I can't feel it. I'm too concentrated on standing still and try not to show how afraid I am. I feel so hot like I'm about to start burning. So how long have I been standing here?! Five, six minutes? I want to go. Want to run out, to run home or at least to my bus stop.... I just want to get out of here! But I can't move.... My legs and feet are frozen. That's how it feels like. My heart is beating out of my chest, my lungs are about to explode, my head it pounding and the voices get louder and louder. They scream. They sourround me, tell me to leave. 'I don't need this grade! If I go home everything will be better!'

And finaly.

I run.

I run out of class. 

Away from the voices.

And away from my fear. 








Several people get panic attacks. For reasons which are easier to understand and difficult to understand to other people. But it's nothing you can't work against. If you need a person to talk to or help here you'll find it.